Maybe TMI? Post partum question about down below

So I had my daughter just over 12 weeks ago. It was a quick labor and delivery, pushed her out vaginally in 12 mins and has 2nd degree tears both towards my pee hole and my butt and although I was never bothered by them and healed perfectly (even tore completely straight) I'm really not used to how I feel down there.. I mean I'm only 20 years old, a small girl (5'2 105lbs pp) I completely snapped back after pregnancy, and I was super "tight" before as you would say and it's just really different now.. It feels more open, I guess. My boyfriend and I have only had sex 2 times, I'm really self conscious even though he said it just feels "softer" (he said no difference at first but I said not to lie bc it felt different for me). I feel like when I had sex before I used to get tense unknowingly and it would add to my tightness, now I feel like I physically can't do that.. On top of that I notice that I'm subconsciously pushing with those muscles.. I try to keep on top of kegels but when I'm distracted for a bit eventually I realize I'm not relaxed down there, but as opposed to being tense I'm pushing.. I'm worried I'll get vaginal prolapse or something if I do this long term. Any advice? Is this normal? Its so embarrassing and stupid I dont know who to talk to, I just want to feel comfortable in my body again.