Leaving my job

So this is the story....

My son is 6 months old. Two months ago. I went back to work. It was incredibly hard, I felt like he was being torn from me. But I worked through it, and ended up adoring his caretakers at day care. They've even babysat him in my home. I adjusted, but I still hate my days. I wake up at 430, get to work at 630, leave at 3 to pick him up around 345.

When we get home, it's chaos. He's got to be in bed by 6 because he gets up so early. My husband is home and 530 and hardly sees him during the week. We also have 4 dogs thrown in there. But we've managed...even have a routine.

But the work part...I used to love my job. The week before coming back, I found out my dept was moving under another manager/dept. Dissolved us. My employees got a raise, I didn't (manager). My new manager is an incredible tool...I could tell stories all day, but I won't make you go through that. He's known for holding employees back when they try to apply out and my workload doubled (everything my old director did now lies on me because the tool doesn't know how to work).

So, I have incredible anxiety from this. Got put on Ativan. I cry at night. On my way to work. Just thinking about going back, I get a deep sick feeling in my stomach. Friday was the last straw...I got put on a final warning for the biggest BS ever. I'm not conforming to their expectations and they want to put me in my place, I don't know. Let me be clear, I'm a great employee...every year with this company, I've been rated "exceeding," which means large bonuses and raises. But this was it.

My husband wants me to quit. He's always said he doesn't want me at home, so he would be expecting me to get another job. But what if it takes 6 months? We're planning on trying for another baby in August (I'll be 33, my clock is ticking). And we'd be going from 120k/yr to 62k...that's a huge cut, not to mention insurance, 401K, life insurance. We coukd do it, but no longer buy whatever we want when we want...wed have to budget and cut back. And if it takes 6 months and I'm pregnant, I'd get no maternity leave. There are just so many things to consider.

I'd love to stay home with my son (and the next one). People work jobs they hate all the time. I told him I could numb myself to it but he says I'm not happy and that should come first. Can't help but thinking it's not the best option though. I want what's best for my marriage (and family).

I've been applying out the past month but no takers yet.

Sorry for the long post. If you've gotten this far, maybe I'm just looking for feedback or ideas...idk help! 😔