How do you deal with a parents' divorce?

Question

My parents are divorcing after 27 years together. My dad is difficult. He is hard of hearing and often doesn't listen. However, he works himself to the ground for my mom. She says she wants something different. I don't understand.

Answer

Relationships look different to the people inside of them. Sometimes we don't see what the issues are. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old so I don't remember it but I think you need to do your best to not be mad at your mom. I'm sure she didn't give 27 years to someone and just decide eh I don't want it anymore. Theres a reason and it's been there for some time.

Answer

My parents got divorced when I was an adult after a 25 year marriage and while my sister and I always suspected they would divorce once we left the house, I was still shocked. They always got along ok but I knew from a young age there was no love between them. It is not any easier as an adult to watch your family dissolve. I'm sorry you are going through this.  My sister keeps saying they are happier divorced and she focuses on that. I have never stopped mourning the loss of my family unit. But what was helpful is refusing to leave any parent alone on a holiday. I am from a small town and the thought of my dad all alone on Christmas two miles away while we were at my moms or vice versa was just too painful - especially now that we live out of state and come home less frequently. Both my parents were fine with that and it makes holidays much easier now and we get to spend more time together. The first few years are the hardest but it gets easier - hang in there!

Answer

Mine separated when I was 16 & I had the pleasure of overhearing that "have you made a decision, I'm just confused" conversation. My dad was heartbroken. My mom wasn't really there for me emotionally so I would've chose dad. I was very angry with her & wanted them to work it out. Luckily, my mom came to her senses & realized she wasn't going to get any better than him. It was due to years n years of my dad's family treating her & my brother like shit & my dad lacking backbone to stick up for them. He'd just sit there through the japes. Us kids were so used to it that it never phased us how serious an issue it was. I'm sorry your family is going through this & I hope no matter what both your parents find happiness.

How do you deal with a parents' divorce?

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