strict parents

I'm currently 20 almost 21 and I still live at home. I made choices to have sex and I lost my phone for an entire phone. I'm blessed to have my parents still by my side but I don't know how to show them I didn't and still won't have sex with anyone. I did meet guys online and do stuff with them and I see that was wrong but I had to see that on my own. And the guys that I like are so nice and my mom called me the predictor and I'm. I just didn't say no. But I don't know if I wanted to. But I've never finished during any sex and I think that's because of my mom but I dont want to blame her it's just even when I kiss a guy I feel like she will be mad at me right now. Help. I don't know how just comment all your feelings and questions. I need some serious girl talk I only have one friend I am permitted to hang out with and I love her it's just I just have her. My mom got mad at me when I masterbated to sex stories that were to me adorable and she took them away I don't know... I'm just upset at everything right now.