Hard Mama Day

I've posted before about my mil secretly giving my baby formula when I'm working, it's been a whole frustrating, difficult situation. I'm not against formula, it's not about that, it's more about the fact that she agreed not to give her anything but what we provide, and then she went out and bought formula and gave it to her behind my back. But instead of just being mad at her, my husband and I decided to go talk with her about it. And, man. It was hard. She got really defensive and said some things that really stung. Things like "I don't know why you won't just feed your baby when she's hungry." The thing is, I know that's not true. She's gaining weight. She's got all the wet and dirty diapers she should. She's not dehydrated. Yes, she's tiny, but so am I. So it's not surprising. Her doctor is fine with how much she's getting. The lactation consultant is happy with what I'm producing. My husband watches her when I work on weekends and says she's full and happy with the milk I leave (which is less than what my mil gives her). So I know I'm not starving her. But as a ftm, I'm questioning everything I do anyway. So even though it's just one person, the judgment that I'm harming my baby in some way is just wrecking me. I'm an RN, so I know that physically, my child is healthy. I'm her mom, so I know she's happy. But those words from my mil have just been haunting me all day. I just try so hard to be as good of a mom as I can, and to have someone tell me I'm doing a bad job is hard to hear. Whether it's based on truth or not. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from you all, maybe just some support that I'm not alone? This mom thing is SO HARD.