I'm giving my body time
6.5 weeks PP. first five weeks breastfeeding was hell: engorgement, overproduction, cracked and raw nipples, bad latch, shooting pains, thrush. I can't take a hot shower and I can't let the water hit the front of my body or else it causes chaos in my milk production... I still am painful downthere and doctor thinks I probably have fistulas. I still have 12 kg until my pre pregnancy weight. I have red stretch marks that look like claw marks in my belly, hips, under boobs and my butt. I can't lie down on my stomach because of my ab muscles that separated.
I am saddened by the restraint we practice because society tells us not to "complain" and we should be happy and focused on our babies. Why can't women be celebrated and honored like we deserve? Why are we always victim to the worst prejudice and violence in the world?
My body is NEVER going to look like it did before. But this pregnancy and my son have made me humble. I am in awe of our female bodies. I'm in awe of what I have and can do. So I'm not in despair over my current state. I'm giving myself time to heal and then I'll eventually exercise to help feel better physically and mentally. And hopefully in a year or two I'll feel that I look great again.
Because for now when I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I see a mother. I see a protector. I see all the best things I could possibly be. And it makes me proud!
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