My heart hurts

Post partem depression really hurts. Today is one of those bad days. My son is 4 months old. When he was born it was an emergency c section. It was hard birth and it left me very traumatized, i felt so empty inside after. I would look at my baby and regret having him at times. Then he got sick, and not just a little. He nearly died and the guilt tears me up inside. He deserve so much better then me. Days like today i can barely cope I feel so alone. I set up an appointment to get help but i feel like I'm too broken to even be helped. My heart just hurts so much.