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Question

I'm confused. My husband left me in January. No reason just left and he started the divorce proceedings. This is not the first time we have broken up. He broke off the engagement before we got married. 
Anyway. He left me and I started seeing this guy let's call him Zach. Zach is sweet and very nice to me and the sex is amazing. When my soon to be ex husband let's call him Jake. When Jake found out about Zach he started begging me to work things out. I just don't know what to do. I have been seeing both Zach and Jake for a week now. I feel more guilty being with my soon to be ex than when I'm with Zach. Should I try to work on my marriage or just continue with the divorce? Oh btw I found out my soon to be ex husband slept with one of my best friends as soon as we split I just am having a hard time getting over that. Sorry for the over share but I need advice from someone not connected to the situation

Answer

Jake needs to go. You found someone else and he came crawling back. He didn't want to work it out before hand so that just screams that he only wants you because someone else is interested. Zach would be the one that I choose, marriage or no, Jake left and that's that. Are there any children involved in this? Just curious?

Answer

You're making the right decision. Even if Zach doesn't work out, life's too short to waste your time on someone who's already proven that they'll drop you out of the blue.

Answer

Your ex doesn't respect you at all. He left without a word . He's divorcing you and only wants you because of zach. I say screw him. You obviously moved on. Why give trash another chance when clearly there's red flags everywhere. 1 engagement cut off 2. Left without a word 3. Proceed with divorce 3. Slept with your friend . Even if you two split for a little while doesn't mean he gets to screw around .  Go find happiness somewhere . Stay with zach!

Answer

Forget him. He only wants what he can't have. It's the kid with an old toy theory. When it's new toy it's exciting, you love it and play with it all the time. After a while you get bored with it. But you still have attachment to it when someone else tries to take it away. Then it's, that's mine, you can't have it you bargain and beg not to take it away. You give it back and you get bored again. Same cycle. Only way to break it, is to not take him back. He will throw a tantrum but tough luck. Tell him sorry dude. I'm tired of this crap. Enough is enough. When he broke it off the first time that should have been a red flag not to marry him to begin with. And the fact that he slept with the bff is clearly a super red flag to be immature and try and get even or do something to piss you off. The left with no reason is another. Clearly this man needs to grow up. Divorce him and be done. You clearly deserve better. Not saying new guy is the one. But take it slow. Get to know him. Really get to know him. We all put on our best face in the beginning. It's not until later that you find out the bad things that you can either tolerate or that he's a jerk and just used you for sex or by the way I'm an abusive gang member that's gonna beat the crap out of you. They all start out nice. Wish they would just wear a sign that tell you up front what's wrong with them. And honestly you really should take time to heal before moving on to your next for two reasons. Clearly you aren't over him and that's not fair to the next nor do you want to blame the next for what the ex did also not fair. Your confidence and trust issues and doubt tend to mess with your head. Take some time to heal and get over him. I know it's nice and you seek comfort and refuge in the new guy. But don't let loneliness or desperation or fear of being alone or everyone else has someone or I'm getting old etc be the reason you move on. Move on when you are ready.

Answer

I've pretty much already made my mind up I'm not going back to my ex I just needed some back up to my decision I don't want to be the bad guy now that I won't work things out. I really like Zach and Jake made me miserable our whole marriage. He was always unhappy. I just can't do that again

Answer

Go with the new guy. You're going to work out your marriage only for him to up and leave again. Don't put yourself through that stress.

Answer

You should definitely go through with the divorce, that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You do what's going to make you happy and what will better you. "Jake" sounds like he isn't ready for love but to just keep having fun. No guy deserves your tears unless they are happy tears ❤ Good luck girly

Answer

Continue with your divorce and be happy with someone who respects you.

Answer

The soon to be ex is gone for a reason. Plus an on and off relationship isn't healthy.

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