I feel my boyfriend cute but later disgusting?????

My feelings are a mess with him. Somedays I feel like I love him, others It make me feel angry, disgusted or like a faker.

I dont know it can be my cycles or what. I don't want to hurt him. He's really a nice boy and very caring. I tried before to stays as a friends, but we end again as pairing. I was very sad, crying all the days because I didnt want to break up. It was a impulsive when I say "this doesnt work". I have the feeling for a long time, not all the time but... It wasnt just a few times. But it that moment is was so strong and make me very sick.

These days wasn't good days. I have a lot of stress because family problems. My long time friends doesn't talk with me because we had a problem in the past and it make everything strange with us. I talk just with my boyfriend, my family and other two friends. Probably I feel lonely. I don't know if you can feel rejection for just communicate with one person.

And I don't know. Maybe the problem is that I feel like I won't find anybody so lovely, good and caring as him.... Low self-esteem, I guess.

And probably be a long relationship it's not helping. (Not a very far, but we can see one time at month).

p.s.a: sorry for my English. I tried to explain this weird feeling with my short vocabulary...