how do I explain this?!

Question

Basically I fell pregnant when I was 15, I was very young and stupid. I was in a relationship at the time (let's call him James) but also seeing his best friend (let's call him David) behind his back, I told James everything and he decided he would step in and play the farther role knowing their is 50/50 chance. My little girl is now 4 and I've since split with James, he is now wanting to do a DNA test. I'm so scared to do one for the pure fact I might have to explain to my 4 year old that her dad isn't her dad?! How am I meant to do that? Please no nasty comments I fully understand how stupid I was back then and wish I could change how things worked out but I can't.
❌❌1)I'm definitely doing the DNA test this is simply for advice regarding my daughter. 
❌❌2) my ex James and David both knew from the start or the pregnancy. 
❌❌3)James doesn't want to be involved if the DNA test comes back she isn't his.

Answer

Do to DNA test. He has a right to know if the child is his.

Answer

I say go ahead & do it, but the dna test doesn't mean anything to her. He raised her for 4 years so he's still her dad in her eyes right now & I don't see any point in making it more complicated than that right now.

Answer

Actions have consequences. Everyone involved has a right to know the truth.

Answer

Children don't really remember all that much before the age of 4, so I'm pretty sure she won't be too upset over it in the long run (if she's not his). For short term purposes, I'd give her a bunch of extra love and if she asks... Try to explain in words that she might understand. No one knows her more than you do.

But if I may... Please don't lie to her about who her biological father is. My mother did that to me, and I found out the truth at fifteen. It crushed the relationship i had with her, and messed me up for a really long time.

Answer

Doesn't he love her? How can he just say he's not her dad even if the tests says he isn't biologically? If the other guy is the dad does he want to be a part of her life? My biological father left me when I was four years old and my brother was almost three. My mom met someone and remarried, he adopted us both. I never remembered my biological father(thank god, what a dick) and only know my adoptive father as my dad. Sometimes things happen for a reason. I hope what ever the outcome is for you, you stay strong and give that little girl all the love you have.

Answer

He's an absolute piece of shit for doing this to her at 4 years old when she can remember it. My only advice would be to see if you can find a therapist to help her get through it. If she's in school maybe they can help.

how do I explain this?!

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