Congratulations on beginning your journey to become mothers!

Making decisions about your sperm donor can be intimidating and stressful, but there are great resources and options for you to consider. Your first decision is whether to use a known or anonymous donor.

A known donor is someone that you know personally who agrees to donate his sperm to help you conceive. You may have ideas about how big of a part he will play in your child’s life, and that should be discussed up front. (There are also important legal considerations.)

An anonymous donor is someone who donates through a sperm bank. You receive donor profiles and medical information, but you do not know this person directly. There are two types of sperm donations made, decided by the donor: anonymous, meaning that, contractually, no one can ever demand that the identity of the donor be revealed; and non-anonymous (sometimes called “open identity”), meaning that the child can request to learn the donor’s identity after reaching the age of 18. There are pros and cons to this decision, some that lean toward anonymous, like this one, and some that lean toward non-anonymous, like this one. It’s a very personal decision you should make together after much consideration.

Here are some considerations when making your decision:

Known Donor

Pros

• You know them personally—their traits, characteristics, personality, temperament, build

• They can play an active role in your child’s life

• You may have cost savings, as your donor will likely not request payment for his sperm

Cons

• You may not get truthful answers about your donor’s lifestyle; for this reason, it is recommended to always have your donor screened for sexual diseases

• You may still want to have your donor undergo sperm and genetic testing, and it is recommended to have a legal contract written, which could result in this route taking longer than going through a sperm bank

• Your interest in having your donor be part of your child’s life may change in the future

Anonymous Donor

Pros

• The donor has no parental rights over the child

• Sperm banks require donors to report their own and their families medical histories

• Your child may still use the Donor Sibling Registry to find siblings from the donor

Cons

• You child may someday have a strong desire to connect with her or his biological father and ask tough questions about why you decided against it

Non-Anonymous Donor

Pros

• The donor has no parental rights over the child

• Sperm banks require donors to report their own and their families medical histories

• Your child can contact the donor if she or he has a strong desire to reach out to her or his biological father

Cons

• In some cases, the donor can change his mind about his information being released

• The donor may be contacted by many children who resulted from his donation, making him less interested in the possibility of eventual contact

This isn’t an exhaustive list of all the considerations involved, but hopefully this helps you make some decisions about what is important to you.

Glow Pages can help provide fertility and sperm bank resources in your area, and the Glow Community can connect you with others also on this journey.