I am over bearing.

I am over bearing. there are times that it just.. happens. My husband is very busy now a days. He works full time and is in school or an academy police force every evening for training. So me, our ten year old son, and 11 month old son, maybe see him an hour a day. Sometimes less. It puts a large strain on things. But I do everything I can to morally support him. I find myself though pushing him ... sometimes a lot.  I work 40 hour weekends so I'm home all week alone with the kids. I miss him. If he gets done with work at 2 and it's 230 I'm texting him. If he says he's going to finish up some more things first I get irritated, but simply go into a shpeal about "your never home can you please come see us" kind of thing. If he's at academy and he got out earlier than 9 and goes out with the guys from academy to eat and doesn't tell me until he's there or until I'm texting wondering if he's ok because he's not home yet.  Or me finding messages between him and a married woman at work he's known for years, talking about work or her kids our kids. They are friends. I find myself asking him to not be overly friendly with her or to please only text about work related things. I am over bearing . And relentless... and yesterday we got into an argument. He didn't respond to me half the evening but had been texting her on his breaks. And I lost my head and flipped... I just dug into him. Asking why this why that. Etc. I can hear myself thinking back on it. I didn't scream... just the questions and me insinuating.  When he did come home I was shown how he was asking her advice about what to say to me and how to make me happier. Or what he should do. Because she's ten years older than him and happily married.    And then he wouldn't speak to me today because he said he wasn't going to stop talking to his friends. Female, male, etc. he said he is married to me and comes home to me and who cares if he has a conversation with someone else. I told him I didn't care if he did have friends I just get like he crosses lines when he is over friendly. Like when he says sweetheart and offers to help them at work etc.  that is what I said.   And I look back and think really? He calls EVERYONE sweetheart. And nothing he has done has TRULY crossed lines... it has just tapped into my insecurities in some way? A long time ago way before we were married he cheated on me. With a woman that started out as friends. We are not that old to begin with ... late 20s. I was ... so so hurt and almost traumatized by what he did to me at that time that I think at times I DONT think.. I just panic. Or literally go into an anxiety fit or attack of some kind. How can I learn to NOT be this way? How can I not be over bearing... relentless... how do I change? I need help.