Psychologists say kids shouldn't come first in a marriage. Agree?

Question

They say it's bad to put kids first.  Your relationship which lead to the children should come 1st.  Not to say you should neglect your kids, but keeping a happy marriage creates a positive environment for kids.  I kind of agree.  Many people allow the children to take over their lives and their marriage and sex lives dwindle to nothing over time.  They usually end up divorcing after the kids leave the best of sooner.  
I think having a happy marriage for the children to thrive in is most important. I agree with these Drs. Opinions?

Answer

For a while, my parents ALWAYS put my brothers and I first. And their marriage seriously suffered, which meant we felt like it was our fault. It was awful.
Luckily, they went to marriage counseling, started putting themselves and their relationship first, and 14 years later, they're better than ever, and it's worked out for the best.

Answer

Your marriage should always be first like you said don't neglect your child but if you're constantly putting things above your marriage it will die

Answer

It's also what the Bible says.

Answer

Ok, first of all, SOME psychologists. 
 
And, second, it's ok it learn time management. Figure out how to make both your "number 1" priority. My folks spent their marriage making sure we knew we were the most important thing in the world to them and they spent date nights and after we went to sleep and private vacations make sure their partner knew they were also the most important thing in the world to them.

Answer

Our marriage comes first. All that means is the kids do not interrupt us when we are talking, we make time for our relationship, we have regular date nights etc etc. If there was one piece of bread and we were all starving obviously the kids will get it. But every day to day life, no they do not come first. We are raising them to leave the house and start a family some day. We are focusing on our relationship because we are supposed to last until we die.

Answer

Couldn't agree more.

Answer

I definitely agree! My parents always put us first and it caused a huge strain, eventual split up (After we were all out of the house), but thankfully they reunited and are happy than ever. I believe it's so important to put my husband first. Not only because I'm religious and see him as the head of my household, but because I want my daughter and future children to recognize how important spouses are and that they need to look for someone who would always put them first and vice versa. Kids grow up and out, but you still need a healthy relationship centered around each other to thrive when they're gone.

Answer

In my household, yeah we believe in time management. We believe in taking the time to take care of ourselves as individuals, and our relationship to see that we all have a healthy universe to live in.

Answer

I kind of agree.. to an extent. I think it is def important to make time and have alone time with your SO but how do you put your kids second? Our world revolves around our child so I have absolutely no idea how to put him second. I do think that couples tend to lose themselves in their children and we need to make sure we are still giving our each other quality attention and still spending alone time together. Maybe thats why couples get divorced when the nest is empty because theyve lost their communication throughout the years.

Answer

I think it's more important to note that taking care of yourself or putting your marriage first does not include neglecting the basic needs of your child. Balance and structure are key. It's also important to note you can not make other people happy. Including your children. You can create an atmosphere, but spouses & children don't always cooperate. Life can also challenge and complicate any dynamic. No relationship in your life should control, dictate or manipulate any other. Find balance.

Psychologists say kids shouldn't come first in a marriage. Agree?

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