I think I have a problem...

Hey, everyone.

I think I have some sort of issue... Not sure if it's PPD itself.

Well, I love my baby, and I'm so grateful he's healthy and thriving. He was premature. Now he's 2 months old.

First, I started to feel frustrated because kg that neediness towards only me, well, I know I breastfeed him, but I wouldn't stop feeling a bit annoyed that I would be the only one to calm him down with the boob. But then I realised it was OK, that that's the why it's got to be.

I was praying for him to be more effective at feeding, and he was for a couple days, we'd be done in 45 minutes, diaper and all; I was so happy. Now, I'm lucky if it takes us 1:30, and luckier if he stays down for a longer period of time. He would sleep 4 hours; and now he sometimes wakes up after 30 minutes! And he's hungry or at least wants to nurse as if he's been sleeping for ages...

Sleep deprivation is no joke! When my husband is not here what I do is cry and cry while I feed him/change him. I don't feel like playing with him and I feel so guilty, but I just want him to sleep so that I can sleep.

I look at his face and my heart hurts. I love him so much but I wish I was more like a robot who didn't need sleep, food, or anything... I haven't gone out if it's not to get diapers or doctor's appointments.

All this love I feel for him is not enough to get me feel better. I'm beyond exhausted! Ah, and BTW, I got the mirena and I'm still bleeding after 3 weeks of having gotten it... It's frustrating that I can't even have sex, cook, bake, or even take a proper shower... My life is a mess, our place is a mess, and I am a mess...

People keep saying they're little for a little bit, but no, I don't feel like time is going by fast... Two months and it is like an eternity...

UPDATE: thank you so much for the advice. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one. Still hard over here, but looking forward to the light!