Help?

I don't know how to start this. But I'm not sure if I have postnatal depression. I don't want to see a doctor as I feel so stupid even saying it and I don't want to talk to my husband about it as I don't want him to worry or anyone else to think I'm being stupid either. I had a really rough birth and when my baby was 10 days old my mother in law had a car accident that nearly killed her so I just had to get on with everything. Although she survived amazingly, and I love her to bits I always feel like I don't want to see her or her to have my baby which I feel awful about. I feel so angry alot of the time and low I never look back at the early days with my baby and think of it as a happy lovely time like I'm supposed to. Don't get me wrong I love my 8 month old with all my heart but sometimes I do feel like I can't cope with her but at the same time don't want any help from family or friends. I don't know what to do some days I feel ok then others I feel awful. Any help would be great x