Mother in law staying with us?

Question

My mother in law lives several states away and has been planning on coming up a few days before the baby comes (I'm having a scheduled c-section) and possibly staying for a few weeks. Am I a bad person if I don't want her staying at our house as soon as we get home from the hospital? We don't have a relationship where I'd be comfortable breast feeding in front of her, plus I'll be healing from my c section and just generally gross and I don't want to have to tiptoe around someone else when I'm in my own house during this time. Anyone else dealing with this or have in the past? Am I being difficult?

Answer

No, you're not being difficult at all. After you have the baby you may want your own space. What does your husband say? Have you told him how you feel and that her being there for that long and that early is a little invasive to you? Make him understand that you may need a little time before she comes. She may get a little upset or disappointed but it's not about her; it's all about you, your baby, learning your baby, and getting on a schedule...and most important what makes you comfortable.

Answer

I'm on the same boat,  I don't want her here! She's a pleasant lady,  but I want my space during this time,  like you,  in also going to have a section and healing and just wanting to lay around and have someone watch me in my own home makes me uncomfortable.  She came for my last baby a year ago and was not helpful at all,  just sit and I had to be the one coming up with conversations ! Ugh it sucked

Answer

I dealt with something similar with my first. My MIL stayed with us for a few weeks and although I wasn't uncomfortable, my husband admitted he was. I'm a very open person and I refuse to feel uncomfortable in my own home. She also didn't help out much. She cooked a few times and watched our son by herself maybe once. It was all a bit awkward because she paid more attention to our dog than our son lol. If you don't feel comfortable, tell your husband and he needs to take care of it.

Answer

I'm close to my MIL and I wouldn't even be comfortable with this. I would mention it to your husband

Answer

Yeah. You don't want her there. I promise you. You want space and time to heal and feed as you need and want to. That she thinks it's okay to be there as soon as you come home is insane.

Answer

My husbands father and his wife are coming when I go into labor but they are staying in a hotel for the first week to help me with all 3 kids while my husband works. My mother in law will come after they leave and stay with us to continue helping with cooking and cleaning. I will appreciate the help since my husband will be working so much. He is a football coach and the baby is due a week before his first game.

Answer

I asked my in laws to wait until late August to come. I'm due the 4th. They are lovely and supportive but I also don't want them around when I'm figuring out breastfeeding and insane sleep changes.

I asked my husband to address it with them since it's his parents. They were understanding (though disappointed I think). They offered to stay in a hotel nearby and we took them up on the offer.

Answer

I'm kinda in the same boat. We live in Utah and they live in Ohio. My husbands family want to come first week of September and I'm due on August 12th. His family friends ( parental figures) with three kids want to come and stay for a week.. and so does two other people that are his parental figures. And my mom wants to be here for the birth and stay a week. My mom I'm comfortable with because I can breastfeed in front of her and be all gross and not care. She will help clean and cook and watch the baby while I shower etc. But his the men and kids I don't particularly want seeing me exsposed and I refuse to hide with a brand new baby. Plus they want to explore.. and I don't want to go anywhere with my baby until she's 2+ months old.  And their kids are 6, 8 and 11.. what are these boys going to do?! I'm stressed out about it as well! Hope you find a resolution!

Answer

Luckily my husband is totally on the same page as me. Our problem is that she does so much for us, and we just feel bad having to say we don't want her staying with us. She is a wonderful person but can also be opinionated and thinks her way is the best way, and I can already foresee how she would be with us about what to do with the baby. It's just not stuff I want to deal with during the first weeks of our life together as a family.

Answer

Nope. My MIL really means well and loves me and her son to death, but I told her no to coming after the baby is born. She wanted to be here two weeks after the birth and I said no and all hell broke loose. She couldn't understand why I didn't want her there to help us. I said sorry that's how we feel and she stomped away. One month later she's not over it entirely but she's moved on. Some MILs think they are doing the right thing offering to help. They think it's their duty. Yes, maybe that's how it was 30 years ago but not really all that common today (at least with my friends). You don't have to have her there. Nothing says you do. Do what is comfortable and stand up to the situation now or you're in for it for the next 18 years. My Mil reacted strongly, so don't expect it from yours. That's just my story.

Mother in law staying with us?

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