how does it feel?

When your going into labor. Headed to the hospital. When your sitting in the hospital bed going through all the contractions. Do you start to feel alone? Like no one else in the room can possibly give you relief. Do you wish that maybe there was someone next to you going through the exact same feelings you are. The pain. The fear. Maybe even the worry. Every minute of pain feels like an hour. Every hour feels like a day. You tell yourself that this is normal and that anyone who has ever given birth has gone through the exact same thing and maybe even worse. How about have they fought depression the whole time they were pregnant. This whole pregnancy was leading to this day. You knew it was coming. But there's something missing. Where is he. The one that did this to you. He said that we would go through this together. He said he would be there the whole time. Instead this whole time you've been alone. Without a companion. Without someone holding your hand as you walk around looking for baby clothes and furniture. Yes you did it alone. But that was just the beginning. Now until someone can take his place, you will still be doing it alone. What if you were in love with him. Throughout everything he put you through you still loved him! He's not even in the hospital room right now to welcome our baby and you still love him! Why. It's your fault you think. No I should never have met him. Maybe I should have done something different and he would still be here, with me, holding my hand. Telling me that everything will be okay. It was him though. He walked out that day. What more could you do. That day it was over. You knew it was over. But how does it feel now. Knowing that soon you will be a mother holding your child. You will look around the hospital room feeling complete but slightly incomplete. This is your greatest accomplishment so far in life. You created the most amazing thing. Nobody can take that from you, but where is he. The one that made it all possible. I wish I could hand him his baby. Watch them hold hands and snuggle together in the chair beside me. But how does it feel knowing that you did this. Without him. You are the one that accomplished this all by yourself. Oh you can't even think about him. He doesn't deserve this. This was for me. Everything I've been through was all for me. My baby is all for me! One day you will find someone who worships the ground you two walk on. Until then you are alone just waiting. How does it feel?