relationship not going well
I'm really hurting right now ladies. I just need somebody to listen. I have nobody to talk to about this (until I can get into my therapists office). I can't talk to my parents or friends because I just don't know want them to know what's going on yet. Just feeling really alone and down about my situation and myself. My partner and I have been together for six years and he has always had anger and communication issues. In the beginning he was willing to see a counselor with me and he was doing really well. But we stopped going and he refuses to go back. He won't go on his own either. His main problem is that he goes on the defense really easily and the way he handles any disagreement is to shout in my face, put me down, mock me, uses degrading language, and is otherwise just really hurtful toward me. It's really sad because we rarely ever fight, but once in a while, this is how it goes and it just hurts. This last time, I made the mistake of being a little too bossy and told him that it was his turn to do the dishes because I wasn't doing them. I said it that way because all week he hasn't lifted a finger and I work full-time just like he does, but I also take care of our child 90% of the time as well as all of the housework and cooking. I get overwhelmed sometimes and hate that I have to actually tell a grown man that he needs to help me. I should've asked instead of telling though, my mistake. I still don't think I deserved what happened after that. He ended up screaming in my face while I was cooking and it scared me. I asked him to get out of my face and talk to me when he's calm. I said it three times and he wouldn't stop. I just felt my blood boil and without even thinking I slapped his face and threw a pack of eggs at him. I know I was wrong to do this. And there is no justification for it. I understand that we probably shouldn't be together if we cause each other to become this type of people. I know that this is not who I want to be. The worst part is now I'm the bad guy. Now I'm blamed for everything and he's no longer living in the house with me. He called me a physical abuser. Now I'm the one with the anger problem. That's not who I am though. He always apologizes for the way he treats me during disagreements, but this time he said since I hit him, he was going to stay with his mom. I feel like a huge failure. I feel like I've let my family down (we have a three-year-old). He has been calling me every day and being kind to me and apologized, but I just feel so confused and hurt. The way he copes with disagreements has never been very healthy and now it's rubbing off on me because I can't take it anymore. Not trying to blame him for my actions at all, just really disappointed that I allowed myself to get that way, but his words just hurts so much. I wanted nothing more than for my family to be to together and now all I can do is live with it. It's just really sad.
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