Is this selfish of me??

Question

So I am due on Christmas (Yay) , I'm 24 and I've literally been taking care of people since I was 18. Friends and family. I get asked often if so and so can stay with me til they get on their feet and I always say no. My family guilt trips me my mom being the worse. She makes decent money but would rather try to live for free. Right now I want so so badly to be living alone but I am not. I WAS renting a 2 bedroom home for myself, cat and dog. A month in I have a younger cousin who was put out of her place 😕, my boyfriend too a few months after that. Now here I am with a house full of ppl after initially saying no, idk how it even turns out this way. But the issue now is that I'm pregnant and I've said clearly that my lease is up in November 2017 and my baby is due Christmas, I will be moving ON MY OWN just me my pets and my child. That gives whoever more than enough time to get their shit together. I receive money here and there but it's never the amount that was agreed upon or the date it's due. My boyfriend tells me I'm being selfish now that I have a baby I don't want him anymore and who would take the kid away from the father and I'm breaking up with him since I now am pregnant . I've explained to him several times that I'm not saying I want to be single, but why do we have to live together to be together? Is there something I am not understanding or getting? Please break it down to me if so . I just like to be alone, I'm a homebody, I work , read, and STAY TO MYSELF. I feel judged in my own home because I prefer to stay in than go out every night. Am I being selfish for wanting to move? Is that keeping the baby away from its father?

Answer

Girl no lol you'll be adjusting to enough being a new mom especially financially you don't need to keep playing mommy to these adults. And he's just trying to guilt trip you. He has a kid on the way time for him to man up he knows you're not saying break up but he will have to find a stable place to live. You are doing the right thing.

Answer

I don't think you have any obligation to live with him. You're not married. Do what you need to do. I wouldn't feel guilty about it. He does need to man up and figure out his life and if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he can use this opportunity to get his ducks in a row. Just my opinion. ❤️ Good luck with everything!

Answer

Well I don't think you should take in people or have that forced on you and it's completely acceptable to move and have people take care of themselves. Your boyfriend is kind of a different story. Why don't you want to live with him? Because yes it is sort of taking the baby away from his father when it sounds like he wants to be with you and the baby. And you say you don't want to break up. So essentially you force him to feel like a guest and a visitor with his own family, which isn't very nice. So unless there are problems with him or you two together, I don't see why you wouldn't try to be a family with him.

Answer

I mean I don't think you should have to support your cousin or anyone mooching of your situation but why don't want to live with your bf? It's kind of taking away his right to see his child and you guys are together? I do think that's a little selfish. He is going to be a parent, too. I'm sure he wants to live together so he can be with the baby as much as possible. Unless you aren't together, I'd say what your doing is kind of one sided and you aren't considering his feelings or how he's supposed to have a relationship with his child. Not to mention you might want him there to help when you're tired or need time alone. I'd say if he's not paying the agreed amount maybe you could make some ground rules and tell him he needs to be more financially supportive. I hope you can work it out. I know lu said you like to be alone, but you're having a baby. You're not going to be alone for a very long time now.

Answer

Ok that's so tough 😧
You should be living with your baby and animals, but if your boyfriend is there for you supporting you and your baby he should be living with you too. I agree 💯 with you except that you should have your boyfriend move in. Im a homebody too and I find solice in my husband working. I do enjoy it when he comes home and we can talk and hang out, but if we don't I don't get bent out of shape over it. You need to find new comfort because your baby will need you 24/7 and if you don't try to make minor adjustments slowly it will be uber stressful and I don't want you to suffer with that 🙁 speaking from the heart ❤️

Answer

I understand not wanting friends and family to stay with you. I don't understand you not wanting your boyfriend to stay, though. You two have a child on the way. Can you not see marriage in the future? Sometimes you have to give a little for your child. Talk with him about boundaries and what he will be expected to do if you live together. Good luck!

Answer

I find it a bit funny that you've been staying with your boyfriend up until now but you want to live separately from him after your baby is here. You're not selfish at all but I guess it just makes more sense for you guys to continue living together as a family. You, your boyfriend and your baby. It should be better for the child as well to be with both of his or her parents.

Answer

I don't understand why you would move without your baby's father especially if the two of you are an item. I could understand why you want your cousin out though. I like walking around naked in my own place so I get the need for privacy. I wouldn't want to do it on my own though. I'm currently living separately from my OH but once the baby is born well be moving out to the farm. We're only living separately because his parents still live on the family farm and we'll be moving (me and my kids plus the baby) I can't wait to live with him. Everyone is different. And each is allowed to have their own needs. If you want to live on your own kick them out now and make your boyfriend earn his place in your space.

Answer

If you don't want to live with your boyfriend or other people it's obvious you just like your space and privacy which is perfectly fine.

Answer

Why have a boyfriend if you value being alone so much? Relationships require spending time together

Is this selfish of me??

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