anxiety disorder or depression moms(venting)

Has someone here had an anxiety disorder or depression? How did you cope with your pregnancy or how did you react when you found out? I had a pregnancy years ago that ended into an abortion that i was basically forced into, when i found out that time i had the worst anxiety ever & before that i had already been diagnosed with generalized anxiety. Im now currently late & i have tested & it says negative but i still haven't started & the thought of being pregnant gives me anxiety & makes me feel depression & i can't help but wonder if i was to ever get pregnant if that's how i would always feel. It sucks, i would wanna feel happy & excited instead of sad & anxious that i can't even feel myself. Idk if i get like this because im still traumatized about my last pregnancy. Idk if every pregnancy is different but my last pregnancy i had quiet the symptoms & now i don't at all besides the feeling that im gonna start & it makes me think that im not but then again that "what if" feeling gets in my head & puts me in a shitty mood. Btw my current boyfriend is different from the one from the previous pregnancy & i know he will be with me through it all & would also want the baby.