I just had to get this off my chest
Every day I walk around with a giant weight on my shoulders. Every day I am reminded of the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Every day I have to look at the person who hurt me the most in this world. Every day I have to pretend like I'm okay. Every day I am forced to be around the person, I hate the most. Every day I have to look, my rapist in the eyes and be reminded of the pain he caused me. Every night I cry myself to sleep just wanting it to end.
I hold that in. I hold that in because that is the only way I know how to deal with it. I hold that in because I don't want people looking at me different. I hold that in because I still don't know how I feel still, after 5 hours and 95 days. I hold that in because I don't know what I'd do otherwise.
That is my secret. That is the secret that I bare Alone. When someone asks me what's wrong I want to scream, I want to throw things, I want to cry, I want the whole world to know what he did to me but those words never make it out of my mouth.
Why?
I couldn't tell you why. All I can say is that he hurt me and he doesn't even care. I want him to care. I want him to know that I tried to kill myself. I want him to feel the pain that I have. I want him to know he made me feel worthless. I want him to know that I hate him.
I was raped.
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