my "mother" went too far yesterday

Alright so yes she's my real mom I just been through a lot and my abusive grandma raised me and would tell me how my mom doesn't love me cuz she works all the time. So I naturally grew up without having that special family connection. I started living with my mom in 7th grade. I have 2 younger sisters who get glorified for everything they do and I never have. When I graduated all my mom had to say was "you're so lucky because I didn't get a graduation and I didn't even get to go to prom". Whenever I had a problem she'll say "I'll trade you". Whenever I had a serious problem (I have an anxiety disorder) she would threaten to put me in a hospital instead o talking to me about it and helping me. Her bf that she's still with used to throw things at me and scream at me and lecture me on how I'm a fuck up and how I'm just like my dad who he hasn't even met. (Dad was never in the picture because he never wanted me and continues to pretend like I don't exist) and she would roll her eyes when I used to tell her I hated him. When I turned 18 my mom stopped paying for my therapy and everything I actually needed. I have an anxiety disorder to the point that I can't keep a job. I don't even have enough work hours to apply to ssd so I have to rely on my bf. So yesterday she was screaming at me for some crumbs left over on a bowl and called me an asshole and a dick. My moms bf just said "you need to be a leader" and my younger sisters who are damn well old enough to clean their shot (14/15) leave straight up plates of food everywhere and doesn't clean ANYTHING and they're treated like babies. (Just saying when I was 14/15 my moms bf told me to get a job or this family will fall apart and it would be my fault if my mom died). Then my mom says "you don't know what hard is" .. yeah that's too far. I'm sorry but I do struggle every damn day not that anyone else doesn't but seriously no one gives a fuck about how I feel. Whenever I'm feeling bad they kick me while I'm already down. I have an eating fear and a vomiting fear because of my childhood. I had to watch kids get forced to eat food they didn't like them throw up then had to eat their throw up. I've seen people grabbed, thrown, pushed and so was i. I was raised by that batshit lady. She fucked me up so badly and I struggle bad from time to time and no one is there to help. I had to live wit her for 13 years of my life and she purposely treated my sisters better than me because she knew I told on her for beating the shit out of someone. And my mom knows all of this and she lied to my therapist about knowing it. She said she recently found out which is bullshit I used to beg her to get away from my grandma and she didn't do anything. Fuck my family. Fuck family holidays. I'm gonna start my own family and treat them right Even though I don't know what it feels like to be really loved. To be unconditionally cared about.