*UPDATE*

So, it’s been over a year since I wrote this post. Last October, I decided to give our marriage one last chance for the sake of our kid and for him to prove that he really want us to be back together. He has been showing consistency in proving himself, such as reporting his whereabouts without me prompting (showing his exact location and with whom), hugs and kisses daily, proudly display our photos on his social media, and other little stuffs. My two best friends who hated him for what he did to me noted his sincerity and began to soften their attitude towards him. I guess he’s genuinely remorseful and want to make things right to me. And perhaps God has a better plan for us? We are pregnant with baby no.2! I was in bewilderment because it was our first make up sex after all these shits and never thought we would get pregnant so easily. My life now is considerably blissful even though from time to time I’m still feel the pain from the affair. But I’m much more stronger and a confident mama that I will not let anyone to pull me down! Thanks to all your comments once again. xx

——————————————

My husband and I were married for 10 years and we're always the model couple, envious by friends as we had been so loving and happy together. 

But somehow, he had an affair when I was pregnant with our first child back in 2016. We were trying to conceive for almost 10 years and finally got pregnant. Alas, the affair started during my first trimester. He would tell me that he was going to gym after work but he actually met her for movies or dinner. He also brought her to an overseas trip for 4 days, and during that period I was heavily pregnant and fell sick due to high fever. He did not returned home because I was unwell and carried on with his trip. When he returned, I found condoms in his luggage. I questioned him and he gave me some lame excuses and days later I forgave him because he swore that he never did unfaithful things to me. Deep down I knew he was lying but I chose to believe him. Who would have thought a loving husband would cheated on his pregnant wife? Sighs. In that same month, he lied to me that he had to spent a night helping out his friend with a wedding but he was actually with her. He spend the fucking night with her despite knowing I was already paranoid and unhappy that he spent the night out instead of accompanying me.

I only got to know his affair recently because he confessed. He said the other woman was threatening him that she will expose their affairs to me personally. He said that he was foolish and deeply regretted and remorseful for his actions. He cried saying that he still loves me and want to take care of me and our family. 

I have cried so much ever since I knew the whole truth. My heart and soul are broken. I don't know what I should do and whether or not I still love him. Financially, I don't really need to depend on him as I have a job. My mom is also helping me to look after my baby. I'm half inclined to salvage my marriage because I'm so hurt and devastated by what he had done so heartlessly to me when I needed him the most. All those thoughts of him leaving me in lurch and fucked someone else just keep on haunting me. And I can't trust him now even though he showed sincerity in proving himself that he is devoted to me and our family. 

What should I do? The thought of being a single mom is scary. But I can't see my future with him anymore and I can't bear the thought of my baby not having a completed family. Help.