My DH and I are trying for our rainbow baby, in November of 2015 I lost our little bean at 8 weeks. It was crushing. We didn't start trying again until December of 2016, I couldn't get over this fear of never being able to get pregnant and carry to term. Well here it is May 2017 and we haven't gotten a bfp. Meanwhile, his niece had a little girl a month ago, stole our baby girls name and that crushed me again. In response to finding out that she stole the baby name, (that we have had picked out since 2015) my husband told his sister that I was upset, her response was "she needs to accept that you guys will NEVER have kids (DH has a low sperms count) and focus on the one she had, oh wait she didn't want that one." I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. Yes I had a baby 14 years ago when I was 19 and I gave that baby a good home and parents that love her beyond words. I didn't raise my first child, I knew I wasn't ready and I gave her to people who give her the life I couldn't. She knew the entire story and had the balls to say that?!

My husband now believes what she said! She is in his head and he always says "if it happens" I know deep down in my heart it WILL happen. I know I will have my second chance. I believe God is going to give me that chance and I claim my pregnancy and motherhood in his name.

Yesterday I felt such a need to stop a a local store called cuddle bugs and just look. Well I ended up getting a few cute onesies because I just felt it. I got to the counter and the woman behind the counter said these are so cute, I said I feel so silly buying before I'm even pregnant and smiled she looks at me and said "these will bring you good juju and I can feel it's coming soon for you!" I was stunned because I felt the exact same thing. I came home and my neighbor knows we are trying and told me we could have the crib they were no longer using! I had pure joy and happiness!! My DH on the other hand went right to, "what if it doesn't happen, what are we going to do with this stuff??" I felt crushed again. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and continue to be excited that my bfp will happen. I even posted little sayings, we will be awesome parents, think baby, even our baby name choices are hung up with hearts around it. I even put on the door to what will be the nursery baby is coming!

I guess I'm just looking for support and to see if any of you ladies could offer some advice. How can I make my husband believe that we will get that positive, we will have our rainbow baby, we will have our chance. How do I get his sisters voice out of his head? I really feel like between his sister and my adopting my baby out 14 years ago has such negative energy it's effecting us. I've recently forgiven myself for giving my little girl away so I can focus on the little rainbow to come. That's also why I decided to buy them few things and accept that crib. I'm excited and truly believe that I will have my chance to be the best mommy I can be and I know I can be.

Any advice? Any helpful ideas? Sorry it's so long.

Thank you so much for reading!