Bf only loves me 70%???

Question

So I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and it's like 3:43AM right now but I called him because I was overreacting and worried. Him and I have a kind of rocky relationship. We are getting to that point in our relationship where things get kind of hard. But there's a lot wrong with me. I overreact about a lot of things that I shouldn't overreact about and I know I do. And it got to the point where my own bf was afraid to hang out with me because I do that so much. I'm working on myself and I want to change myself. But today I asked him if he still loved me and he said "uh yeah" and I was like what do you mean? And he told me that he still loves me but kinda doesn't. This broke my heart. I didn't overreact about it though, I asked him why and stuff and he said he only loved me about 70% but he still does In fact love me. He hasn't said "i love you" to me in about 3 weeks and I always wait for him to say it to me first for me to say it back and he brought that up, how I never say it. He was kind of waiting for me to say it to see if I would say it first. He's going to China in about 1 week for 2 months. We have broken up before and I convinced him to give me another chance because I knew what I had to change about myself to make him happy and to make myself happier and a better person. Well, he just now told me that he doesn't know if he can give me his everything like he did before. I always wait for him to do stuff for me so then I can do stuff for him and I know that's not the way to be and I wonder if that's a factor. So what can I do? What should I do, before he leaves that will make him love me more? What can I do now that'll make him miss me when he's in China and realize he really really does want to be with me? What can I do while he's in China to make myself a better person so when he comes back, he will be surprised? Please help! I don't just want to do this for him but also for myself. He gives me motivation to want to be a better person. I know I can't force him to love me more and want to be with me and miss me but I can contribute, right? Please help! Any advice will be great!

Answer

You've been posting a lot about this and I don't know all the details but...it seems like you've been freaking out and that freaked him out. In your other posts you talked about how much he said he loved you and how nothing would change when you were apart...yet you continued to panic. Stop forcing things so much. I think you've forced them into a weird place. You may need to give him space or his time away needs to be a break. Maybe he got tired of constantly telling you things would be okay when you didn't believe it. I say you guys need (and will get plenty) of time apart.

Answer

I know you realize you have things about yourself you need to work on, but you cant be so hard on yourself. The way you're describing it makes it seem as though he's perfect but we all have flaws. I think your magnifying your insecurity with your behavior and actions, which is most likely magnifying them to him and scaring him away. Imagine trying to date a guy who's constantly telling you what's wrong with him, you may notice things you never had noticed before and wonder if you made the right choice. Maybe try to force yourself to be confident for a day, and see if his attitude changes at all. I think the safest bet is to break it off right now and work on yourself before he leaves, if things get better before he goes then maybe it'll work out while he's gone, if not maybe it wasn't meant to be. I know it's hard to hear but you don't need him, especially if he claims to love you any less than 100%

Answer

The amount that someone loves you shouldn't really depend on how you act and the things you need to work on for yourself. IMO. They love you or not. Not everyone is the best person they can be all the time we all have our moments and that shouldn't waver his love for you. Doesn't mean they aren't issues, if that makes sense. Sounds like he is starting the "letting you down easy." I'm sorry you're going through this, i had a heartbreak like this when I was 18, "I just won't love you the same as before" he said. Being with my husband now, it all makes sense why it worked out like that! Good luck!

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To be blunt, I think with him leaving you guys are going to break up. If he "only loves you 70%" (which is weird and shitty) then he doesn't love you enough to make it work from across the globe.

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Sounds like you really need to work on yourself before you can work on a relationship. Don't force it.... easier said than done I know but if your meant to be with him then he will come back to you. And if he doesn't then it wasn't going to work anyway. Just focus on yourself. Become independent and not needing a guy in your life. That will make you grow up and change and like I said he may come back to you, or he may not. Just don't try so hard. Relationships shouldn't be nonstop trying to make the other person want you or make them love you. It should come naturally from both parties. If it doesn't then it isn't worth having.

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Okay listen, you can't only love someone %70. That's not how love works. At the moment, he may not LIKE you, he may not feel fuzzy warm feelings if you two are getting into arguments a lot. But the love part is a choice, it sounds like he's just treating it as a feeling. If you actually love someone, you don't stop loving them. Even when you aren't feeling the typical feelings you might associate with love. I don't think you need to "do things that will make him miss you while he's in China" you're over thinking it. If he loves you, he's going to miss you. Just spend time with him before he leaves, make effort that you wouldn't normally make. But don't feel like you need to make up for anything, or make him love you 30% more. That's not how love works. Relationships are difficult, but love is a choice that has to be worked at and I think he's definitely in the wrong for giving you that 70% crap.

Answer

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Answer

So what that you have issues ? In a relationship y'all are supposed to be there for each other through everything. If he can't love you at your worst let along hang out with you then girl, is it really worth it .? But if you think it is and really do want to fix things, have a serious straight to the point conversation with him before he leaves .

Bf only loves me 70%???

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