is it wrong of me?

Question

I'll be 36 weeks tomorrow. My husband is currently deployed and trying to come home on leave for the birth(he'll find out In a few days to see if his command approves or denies his request) but my MiL wants to come out and stay with me for 4 weeks(they live 20+hours away). I already told her a few of the wives have it arranged they would drive me to the hospital and stay with me because I DO NOT want my MiL in the room. Just the stress she put on me when hubby and I closed on our house had me in tears and they were here less than a week..and I'm a lot more emotional now. I don't want visitors since more than likely I'll be out in a few days I want to bond with my baby and learn how to breastfeed since this will be our first baby,  but beings DH is gone & if he doesn't get to come home, I would rather have the 2 wives there. I don't want to announce the birth until after he's born and we've been home for a few days so I can get settled in. I get being "mom & dad" until DH comes back is going to be tough, and she wants to help out but I feel she has no faith in me parenting if she feels she needs to be here for a month especially the way she's been telling DH and I how we need to do things for the baby and what we wanted was wrong. So I guess my question is did anyone delay announcing the birth until after they were home from the hospital to family members? And is it wrong of me to want to do so?

Answer

Maybe come to common ground and have her stay less ? Not gonna lie I would want help with my first baby if my SO couldn't be there. Even if she's annoying you have every right to say "I'm doing it how I feel is best but thanks for the suggestion I'll consider it" keeping up with the house even just for you two, getting a shower etc can be hard . If you have another option for some constant help then go for that but I would consider her offer . I don't think it has anything to do with not having faith in you and more like she knows how first time mother hood is ?

Answer

My mil wanted to come and stay for a while and I flat out told her and my husband no.  It's going to be the same this time.  It's our time to adjust to being a family and I don't need her adding stress to the mix.  She was mad but I didn't care.  
You can tell the nurses if you don't want someone in the room, they will make them leave.  I told my mil if she tried to show up I was going to tell the nurses she was a crazy baby snatcher and to not let her in the room.

Answer

I only told my family and our doctors wouldn't allow anyone in until me and my husband had skin to skin time and such. You personally don't have to let anyone in that you don't want in there at all. Be straight up with your MIL, tell her you don't want her in there. I did with mine. She asked, I said no! There's nothing wrong with having your labor and delivery how YOU want it. Your the one pushing a baby out so you do what you're comfortable with.

Answer

I feel like I am in the same boat. My mil feels it is a right or a tradition that she should get to be part of. I am worried that she is just going to show up. She wAnts to book her flight now for December. I think I  going to hold off telling her til days later just in case. I feel my stress welling up again just writing. I am also a military wife so I get that side of it as well. I think the biggest thing is is that this woman is taking control away from my life and family and that is very upsetting. Hang tight.

Answer

The way I see it, when it comes to you giving birth, you are the only one that is right. It is 100% a personal choice of how you want to do it and who you want there. The nurses and doctors will follow whatever you tell them in terms of visitors or no visitors. In terms of visitors at your house, I would just be honest with her and tell her it is stressful for you to have house guests so you don't want her to come stay you. Let her know you will keep her posted if anything changes or if it gets to a point where you change your mind and need help or want someone there with you. In the end, it's your baby and you're only going to give birth to him/her once so do whatever you feel is right for you. That's all that matters- what YOU want.

Answer

I am not letting anyone know I'm going into labor, or that the baby was born, until we are settled back in at home.

Answer

It's your choice as long as you and hubby want it that way you don't have to please everyone else

Answer

I wouldn't delay the news but just tell her you would rather her come visit she SO is home and you guys have adjusted to the new baby.

Answer

I only told a handful of family when my son was born due to the dads crazy family! I couldn't even put the announcement in the paper bc they were literally stalking us!

is it wrong of me?

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