So we have had issues with MIL in regards to ds since I was pregnant with him: makes unrealistic demands for "visitation"; did not protect his safety when she was allowed to see him in her home; guilted me out of calling the cops on her daughter (endangered ds) & my dh (endangered ds & I during a dark time in our relationship); I was working 3 nights a week at her night job (to let her sleep) for no money when I found out that I was pregnant, there was lots of lifting and I started cramping and got scared, so ds helped me finish that night and the next morning I told her I had to quit to protect ds, she lost it telling me that I was just pregnant and baby would be better off if I "worked a little" (I had 2 jobs of my own at the time), m&sil both intruded on personal exams/procedures in hospital after ds birth and on nursing (kudos to public nursing mamas, but I couldn't let down with people watching), showed up with SIL when ds was a wk old and we were both sick and asked "what's for supper?". So we are TTC and I don't want her to know, I don't want her at birth, don't want her to come around for awhile after, dh says he doesn't really want her around but doesn't "want to make a big deal out of it", we live in a smaller town and she will find out when we are pregnant, so I will have to address it. Am I being selfish or is it ok for me to tell her to stay away until I ask her to come?