anxiety and over analyzing everything

This is a little series of why I can't get out of my funk, and hoping to hear back some tips of how to do so. Probably a little over a year I took acid with some of my really good friends. Started amazing, then I started to get inside my head, and go deep down the rabbit hole. I felt like I was controlling everything. It started to rain because I was sad. I totaled my good friends car (one of them I was tripping with) prior to this day, and I was thinking about that and a totaled car was on the same street right when I started to think that. Everything just started clicking to everything I felt. Over analyzing everything. Well about 16 months ago, one of my best friends, Joe, committed suicide and my world turned upside down. I have never felt such a loss of all love, happiness, and everything that was good in my life. It was all gone. Following a couple of months later, my grandpa passed away, and what kills me inside is that I didn't make it in time to say goodbye. I think when Joe passed away with no answers left behind for us, and his parents not doing an autopsey, that really triggered my social anxiety and over thinking everything. I think my vibes control the mood whoever I am all around, and that makes my heart start racing and my mind go wild with thoughts like, 'I'm doing something wrong, they're looking at me, they're feeling what I feel, etc.' I have started taking illegal Xanax, quarter bar every day (if I'm around people) now sometimes a half bar, so I feel normal and not so anxious. I know this is all in my head, but I can't seem to shake this.