Getting told I did it to myself...

I fought and prayed for this adorable baby girl. Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, 1000 blood draws, and an HSG. I had a healthy pregnancy, a textbook delivery, and  5 months later my girly bits are still messed up. I failed at breastfeeding, and now have a deep rooted fear of not being able to feed her. Like took 10 4oz bottles for a 6 hour flights. She won't let anyone hold her, and screams ma when they try (I know it's just the sound but it breaks my heart each time). If she doesn't have a little hand on me while she sleeps, she wakes up crying. Hates the crib. Wakes up after 20 minutes of trying. I am not strong enough to make her sleep there, and cry it out makes me physically nauseous. Is cosleeping really the worse thing I could do?'