hate myself

I hate my relationship with my SO nephews. I really want a relationship with them but the older one barely speaks to me and the younger one just gives me dirty looks constantly. I hate myself for not being able to create a relationship with them. His family probably think I so weird- that I work with kids yet am horrible with these 2. I'm good with kids, really. 

This depression/anxiety has literally ruined any potential relationships I could have with my OHs family. My depression/anxiety took over so much I essentially hid in his room for this first 3-4 years of our relationship. We've moved out now but now I feel there's no way out, there's no way I can be my true bubbly self because I was such an idiot in front of them for 3 years.