just need to talk..

First off, let me say that I'm not a parent. We're trying to be, but for now, still no babies. Second, I hope this is an appropriate group to post this in. I figure it was better then posting it in any TTC groups and whatnot. I just need to talk and maybe see if anyone else here has been in a similar situation. Bare with me, it's a long story.

My boyfriends ex... let's call her 'Marie' for quick writing sake... when they were together she got pregnant. About halfway through the pregnancy she left. She told my boyfriend that she had been cheating on him the whole time they were together and that the baby wasn't even his. She had this baby girl (and let's call her Penny, once again for quicker writing sake) in early months of 2016.

Marie and my boyfriend didn't really talk much after they broke up, I mean, why would he want to talk to her after all that. I don't blame him. 

So, back in December 2016, Marie messaged my boyfriend, telling him how sorry she was and that Penny is actually his and she only left because she was scared. (I should also mention that Marie already had a daughter before her and my boyfriend got together.). About a week, maybe a bit more, after Marie messaged my boyfriend, he got a call from Social Services, they wanted him to get a DNA test to prove if Penny was his daughter or not. 

It turns out, Marie didn't even have Penny in her custody. She got taken after Marie gave birth to her. After my boyfriend got that call, Marie messaged him and basically said that she "forgot" to mention that she didn't actually have Penny and that she wanted my boyfriend to come back to her to help her get both of her daughters back. (Turns out she got her other daughter taken away from her too). After that, my boyfriend tried to contact social services more about it, but they never returned his messages.

So, fast forward to now... about a week ago my boyfriend got a call from social services again. They want the same thing, for him to get a DNA test done to prove if Penny is his. This time my boyfriend also has all the information about what happened and what is currently going on with Penny. She is in government care right now. Marie is going to court in October because she doesn't want Penny to be put up for adoption, because I guess the government or whoever has decided that she is an unfit mother and won't give custody of Penny back to her. They have a family that wants to adopt her, but they can't until everything is sorted out.

My reason for telling you this story is because my boyfriend thinks that if Penny does turn out to be his, he is thinking that he'll want to take her. If he would have known for sure that Penny was his, he would've been in her life from the start. 

I would fully support him in whatever he decided to do. If he would've known this before I met him, it wouldn't have changed anything between me and him. I'd have still wanted to be with him. I love kids, and like I said at the start, we are TTC.

I guess even though I would fully support him and if he wanted to take Penny if she was his.. it's just a scary thought. It's a life changing decision. I guess I'm worried that she's not my baby. What if we ended up taking her and then I mess something up? Or what if I'm totally okay with it at the start and then start to regret it? 

I know that I don't want to lose my boyfriend. He is my one, I know it in my heart. I also know that me changing my mind after the fact would be a very slim chance, but that doesn't mean it's not a scary thought. My boyfriend and I talked a lot about it all yesterday, and he's scared too. Mainly because it's such a big decision to make, and he was also scared that he'd lose me if he chose to take her. 

I just needed to get this all off my chest. I can't really talk to anyone directly in my life about it right now, not until we get more details and get this DNA test done. 

Thank you ladies (and possible gentlemen) for letting me vent a bit and try to feel less worried about it all. :)