What do you think I should do?
Hi ladies… this is completely off topic but I am completely lost and heartbroken, I don’t know where to turn. I don't even know where to start I guess when it comes down to it everything is Plain and simple and I already know what I should do if you want skip to the end. This long paragraph is just the BACK STORY it's about to be 1 year on July 26th of 2017 of me and my husband being married, I found out the week we were getting married that he was messaging other girl. I confronted him about it it turned out really bad I told my mom and relatives that we had called out the wedding he was in the army but was getting out in a week that's when we were gonna leave to Texas, when I told my mom about calling off the wedding she asked me if I had sex with him I told her yes, she then became furious and told me I had no option but to Marry him, my sister told me "that's just the way man are" one of my sister and brother were against what my mom was saying. All I remember was entering what felt like a stage of depression, I missed him I wanted to be with him "even when all of this was going on" well eventually in those few days I "had accepted the fact that we were done" llI still wanted to see him so I would still go over to sleep at his place we would sleep on the same bed but I wouldn't let him hold me, well I think a day or so passed by I wanted to try and move on I was messaging this co worker I was gonna spend the night at his place "I know it was wrong" but I was trying to find a way to forget my guy I just didn't know what to do, I think my husband saw the messages between me and him because he called me and was mad at me saying that I'm really moving on that fast that it's gonna take him months to move one blah blah so I didn't go to the other guys house Instead i went to my husbands wanted to talk to him waited almost 3 hours for him to pick me up at McDonald's I have my car but couldn't get on base, we then "Fixed" everything and we were back on track we talked everything out and got married. drove from Alaska to Texas took us I think a week well we were staying with his sister a few months I never really go through his phone decided to go through it and I saw messages with his best friend about the week we were getting married he sent his friend a picture of a girl on under wear showing him her ass he quoted it "should I leave Ana for her" this made me furious because he realz ly did leave me I insisted on being with him :/ every time it happens we go through the whole petty talk about I love you he says he doesn't want to be with someone els he wants me he doesn't know why he does it but he will stop, of course me being stupid I forgive him we move on it happen a few more time and I kept trusting him 100% cuz I'm really gullible/stupid.. I have a co worker who has the same thing happen to her and her ex husband she went 6 years with the exact same situation her husband was making this dating sites, I cried to my husband about it because I told him I didn't want to waste 6 years of my life he tried to make me feel better and wiped my tears told me I don't have to worry about that that his not doing that anymore, well 2 days after I see on the apps that some dating websites have been downloaded and deleted inconfronted him about it he tried to deny it but eventually told me the truth he said he would download them at work from time to time he's never had sex with anyone els, or met up with them most of the girls don't even reply..... at this point I'm like not even crying like how I would I just put my feeling aside and told him what it is he wants with me? He says he doesn't want to loose me that I mean the world to him I'm 37 weeks pregnant with a kid he begged me to have I didnt want one yet but I did it for him... he says he knows he's not a man that he still has a kids mentality
he's excuse is that I'm the perfect girl for him but it's not the right time, he says that he feels like he hasn't lived, Got married at 19 he was 20 I'm 20 he's 21 so I understand we got married young but my thing is why did he propose to me in the first place I never forced him to be with me. I tell him if he wants to go if he feels trap he can go l,... I even offered him and open relationship just to see what he would say to him it just means he can message other girls not have sex with them I tell him this will make him get attached to them, he says those messages mean nothing to him, well when's oh I propose the whole open relationship he was good for it, but then when we were going to bed he said he didn't want to do that that he was sorry blah blah
(So my point Is I'm still with him right now I know I will never trust him again I love him he's been trying really hard with making me feel better he always ask me if I'm okay and stuff we have a baby coming in 3 weeks I don't want to go through a break up right now I feel worst when he leaves or we break up, I can't even sleep with out him on my bed. I know a relationship with out trust is worthless, but I don't feel ready to leave him yet I know that I more likely won't be with him in 20 years but I don't feel like it's time to leave him am I being ignorant? But everyday feels like I'm falling into a stage of depression I don't get excited about anything I don't like to watch tv I don't want to do anything sometimes I see dying as my only way out "I'm not suicidal but sometimes it doesn't seem like a bad choice but I know I wouldn't do It" my question is what do you think I should do?