Hiding

So I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and had a miscarriage shortly after he was born. I have very visible stretch marks and my fiancé tells me to cover up bc I look disgusting and I make him want to vomit. The sad thing is he doesn't know I'm battling depression bc of his hurtful words. I have a history with depression and he knows this. Trying now to fall back to that person I used to be. Even the joy of my baby is barley keeping my hanging on. I don't know what to do anymore. Bc I don't even leave the house bc I feel hideous.

Update. I have suffered mental illness before as a young adult with a terrible childhood. And my S/O knows this and I think he is targeting that in hopes that he can cause me to self harm again. And it's hard not revert back to those days knowing I have such an incredible little human who needs looking after and I am not allowed to speak about my miscarriage to him or anyone if I do he yells at me. So I think I have never actually come to terms with miscarriage. And I feel guilty and it haunts me everyday.