I wanted to share my story so it can help me get through it and anyone else who has gone through what I did. You are not alone.

After 8 months of TTC we finally did it! Our first. We were ecstatic. At our 12 week visit (which I mistakenly went alone to) I found out my baby was sick. He looked fine to me and even waved to me in the sonogram. The doctor came in and told me the terrible news but just to make sure let's wait another week for another scan. I carried my dying baby for a week knowing the worst. I had to wait another week for the D&E; to be done. My preparation the night before the procedure was extremely painful. Has anyone else had sticks inserted into their interns to stretch it prior to D&E;? Painful as hell and so sad. I was so sad to say goodbye. I did on April 17, 2017, he was 14 weeks. I fell into severe depression after that. Isolated myself from everyone cried every day for a Month. I missed my baby. I needed help and had to talk to someone so i saw a therapist and psychiatrist.

It's now July and I am feeling much better and out of my depression. I have had my cycle twice since. My doctor recommended 3 cycles and then we can ttc again.

But I'm terrified. As much as I want to be pregnant and a mom I'm afraid of this happening again. Going through the pain and suffering is scary bc of how traumatic my first experience was. Can anyone relate and how was your pregnancy after?