My husband gave me a necklace that said "I can and I will" for our anniversary as we were quickly approaching the birth of our sweet daughter. Only two days later I woke up to an intense cramping feeling around 7:45am October 22nd. I had heard this is what contractions would feel like and I was immediately elated that this could be the day I would get to meet my sweet girl! Contractions continued to get more intense as the hours went by, so Chad packed up the car with our hospital bags and texted our doula to come on over. To distract myself I started writing scriptures in my journal for Chad to read me while we were at the hospital, cranked up the worship music and put on the necklace he gave me(I wanted to wear it as a reminder that I could give birth to our sweet girl naturally). Once Mary Ann(our doula) arrived, it didn't take her long to recommend we head to the hospital. My contractions were every five mins so they put me on my hands and knees on the back seat for the drive over(so pleasant 🙄). When we arrived around 2:30pm, we went to triage and I was told I was dilated 3cm and sent to labor and delivery. We had worship music playing, oils diffusing, and Chad read me scriptures, timed my contractions, held me, encouraged me, danced with me, and never left my side. My love for him grew so much more in those moments than ever before. We were hoping for an all natural birth....but 3am was now upon us, my water had still not broken and I was only dilated 5-6cm. So we decided to have them break my water to hopefully speed things up. Soon I was hit with the most painful contractions that were 30 seconds apart and lasted 3-4mins each(I never knew what this meant till I experienced it and my goodness I respect all you mommas so much for all you endure in childbirth). By 8am I had hit my 24th hour of labor and I had only dilated 7cm. I remember hearing this and instantly deflated. How could I have only dilated 1cm in 5 hours!? My body had reached severe exhaustion and it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel- I still had 3cm to go and the doctors informed me that there was a good 3 hours of pushing ahead of me as well. Chad said he has never seen me look so exhausted as I stared blankly into the ceiling. In that moment I knew I no longer could stick to my original plan. I immediately started saying "I can't, I can't, I can't". Those words have never coursed through my mind and body so heavily until that moment. Tears streamed down my face as the lie that I had failed crippled me. I looked at my husband and said "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry I failed". Tears filled his eyes as he told me there was nothing to be sorry for- I was a champion and was  it a failure. Anything I decided he would support. So with the support of everyone in the room, I decided to get an epidural. The anesthesiologist was in there within minutes and began the process. Right as he was entering the needle into my back I began having a contraction. I was sitting on the side of the bed and the nurse immediately slammed my head down toward my knees so I wouldn't move. I felt like I couldn't breathe as the pain from the contraction met the pain from the needle. As awful as that was, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I could endure a few more contractions knowing my pain would soon be relieved. They told me I would be able to sleep for a few hours and then when I woke I would be ready to push. At this point I hadn't slept or eaten in 24 hours and I was so very excited to rest. Several hours had passed and I was awoken and told that I was ready to push. I was so excited!!!