guilty and heartbroken

I'm a ftm and I gave birth to my little man 6 days ago. I had originally intended to breastfeed, I had even bought a $300 Medela (insurance would only let me keep theirs for like 6months). In the hospital I met with a lactation consultant who helped me and my son with our latch. We were working on this and getting better every feed.

Then we left the hospital and went home. Two horrible nights of not sleeping, a screaming baby, non stop feeding, non stop latching issues. I was a total wreck and my husband didn't know what to do. I called the lactation consultant line for my hospital and they said they were too busy to meet. But they said to pump to check out my supply. Apparently I was only producing less than a mL each time.

I was unintentionally starving my baby. I can not explain to you the guilt and horrible depression I felt. I thought I was the worst mom in the world.

My amazing husband rushed to the store in the middle of the night and bought formula and we fed our baby together. The relief and contentment was almost palpable from our baby and he finally slept.

Since then we have seen the pediatrician who was so reassuring and helpful and didn't once shame us for essentially starving our baby. she set us up to meet with a lactation consultant who was so helpful but said that I will likely never produce the way I need to. She gave us samples of formula and information on supplementing and going all formula fed.

I'm posting mostly because I feel like I need to share my story. We had taken all of the classes offered locally about breastfeeding, we had done our research. But never once did anyone mention supplementing in the classes. Now we know that many people at least supplement with formula. But it took to learning the hard way for us to hear about it.

I'm going to be calling the person who ran our classes and encourage them to put real statistics in the information they give.

Since I am new here, I don't know if anyone else has had this experience. Anybody else experience this?