Hey girlies. I'm in need of some help here. Here's the sitch: I've masturbated since I was small and had my first orgasm at 13/14. I've got a *serious* drive and get really horny leading up to my period and so I masturbate, as well as to relieve some of the tension in my back.

I did something crazy vulnerable and told my boyfriend about my habit about two years ago. I used to think it was wrong of me to do, and so at the time I told him we were both on the same page that I was gonna try and stop.

But then I went to college and my view of the world began to evolve as I began to break away from my sheltered self. My drive was so strong and I was so conflicted that I went to counseling. Yep. Counseling. *Specifically* to try and face facts and try to stop. I was open to the idea because I'd gone to counseling for depression the year before.

But my counselor, unlike my boyfriend who just told me to do my best to stop, advised me to first think of my opinion on the matter. After beginning counseling (which my boyfriend was aware of) I explained to him that I wasn't going to talk to him about my problem anymore and that he would no longer be my accountability partner. My counselor replaced that. And I didn't need him pressuring me or feeling insulted by my actions.

He was concerned about this and over the months of my counseling he eventually straight up told me that the moment I decided I wasn't going to stop that he would leave me. He doesn't know that I've pretty much come to terms with the idea of masturbating. Shouldn't he just be thankful that I'm the only girl in his life? Thing is, he doesn't masturbate. But if he did I might feel a little bit wired about it myself. I can see where he's coming from; I don't want him to feel like he isn't enough for me.

In a few days it'll be our 2 year anniversary. I'm not head over heals for him (though I thought I was at some point). But after a lot of the stuff he's said to me about disagreeing with some of my decisions and just generally not supporting some of the more "open-minded" decisions I've made, there was distance.

Thing is he's still growing as a person. He's truly a prince and treats me like a queen and genuinely is in love with me, he's just close minded because of the boarding school he went to as well as still be a little immature.

What do you think I should do in this situation? I still haven't stopped. In fact since I started using tampons I've escalated to fingering and using an app on my phone to have access to some sort of vibration (my only access to a car is my boyfriend's so a vibrator is not happening -- also I'm still a virgin and I want my husband to break my hymen (just a personal choice of mine)). Ultimately he's jealous and wants to be the only one/thing to make me orgasm. I want to stay with him so do you think I should just give it some time and see if he matures and he becomes more open minded?

Sorry, I know this is soooo long. 🙄🙄 If you got to the bottom of this I applaud and thank you. 👏🏼