Just need some positive feedback

I just got beat up by my now ex boyfriend. I called the cops and he's in jail. I kinda grew up with him so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He's always been controlling and I think he drinks too much. It happened earlier tonight and I can not sleep. I just can't understand why I keep crying and blaming myself. I am already taking depression and anxiety meds. I've been on short term disability with my job for a couple of months. He was dependent on me and I did not put my hands on him nor belittle him but he didn't hold back on me. I am 29 I have PCOS and know for a fact I'm not ovulating. I am afraid I'm about to take a step backwards in my mental health. Even though they claim it's a 48 hr hold I'm still scared he's going to come through that door. I called my mom and broke down. I told her everything. Why does this hurt so bad? Will I ever get over it? I'm sorry but I had to post this because I know there's someone out there like me and maybe I can get them to get out...Don't be scared...Let go and let God