tired of getting bfn 😓

Am I selfish? Am I selfish for crying over seeing others getting to embrace the beauty of a child? I mean, I am so happy for them, and I hope all goes well, they and the baby are healthy but i still feel a bit of heartbreak.

I am tired of waiting too take that pregnancy test, getting my hopes up, sitting on the toilet seat with my brain going 10000mph waiting to look over on the skink counter too see if I am pregnant or not and end up getting one solid line, a solid negative.

I am tired, bowing my head, trying not to cry but busting out in tears, heart wrench, turning to my fiancé and seeing the disappointment on his face and feeling like a complete failure.

I am so tired of the negatives over and over. I am at a milestone but so far from it.

Don't get me wrong, all you soon to be mamas congratulations, you should feel so so proud you are able to produce such a beautiful life and I hope you and the baby have a healthy process!

But, I wish I could feel the same.

I am disappointed.

I just want to start a beautiful family, is that too much to ask? 😓