Will I ever feel excited?

I lost my daughter Karis at 37 weeks. I'm now 16 weeks with twin boys. I havent yet to get or feel excited about these boys at all and I feel horrible about it! I do check there heartbeat every night sometimes twice a day. Im always on edge. I feel as though if I start to start feeling excited then IMA feel guilty. Not to mention I'm also planning Karis first birthday in heaven celebration that's coming up in about a week/half September 8.. Just wanted to know if I'm the only mom who feels this way? I do have 3 sunshine Kids (13,10&5) I would definitely feel lost without them.