Tuesday my husband and I were supposed to hear our baby's heart beat at the 11 week appointment. No heartbeat. No flutter. Nothing. Tears began to stream down my face knowing I'll never get to hold the baby I've day dreamed about for the past 5 weeks when we were shown our little baby. We came home and bawled, talked, yelled, wailed and cried some more. We held each other. Wiped the tears from each other's eyes and tried to process what happened.

Wednesday we had a confirmation ultrasound with the ultrasound tech - still no heartbeat. Our sweet baby stopped growing at 9wks 1 day. I couldn't keep my composure - my husband held me. Our baby was gone. The doctor came in, was very sympathetic and answered all the questions we had. We were told we had 2 options - natural or d&c.; I can say with confidence that I would not have overcome the emotional and physical events that come with a natural miscarriage. We decided to name the baby "Eden" because it means delight and our baby brought so much joy to us in such a short amount of time.

Thursday was supposed to be D-day -- 12 weeks -- Facebook and world announcement. Nope. Set up the appointment. Not how I imagined this day at all. We were surrounded by family, send so many kind messages from our close friends. We were not alone but I felt utterly and completely detached from my surroundings. I caught myself randomly staring at a wall and once crying in a ball on the floor cradling our sweet baby Eden.

Friday, today, we woke up before the sun came up for the D&C.; Before we left my husband wanted to say good-bye to Eden before we were in the hospital and of course there were tears and holding each other. I sobbed while walking out the door, this isn't how it was supposed to be. We were a family of 3 and when we return it would be just us 2, again. I'm still going through many waves of emotion right now. I feel guilty for laughing at things. I cry so I don't forget Eden.

I pray for Eden. I pray for us to heal. I pray for our future family. I pray for every woman and family who has been through this.