My 5year old wont listen 🙄😶

I tell her no & she breaks down in tears, stamps her feet and slams the doors 🙄

She hits and kicks me & my partner...

Her attitude sticks...

I thought school would get her into listening more

She goes to her dads every other weekend & there is no discipline. Ive told him and his wife to get her into a routine. But it never happens

If she goes to his mums shes let off with everything & can do what she wants

Any ideas what to do