Wtf is wrong with me ?

Something weird happen to me today and I don't understand why. I have two kids which I had at a very young age (teen mother) and they're now 9 & 8 and I am 25 years old. I know what it's like to have a newborn baby I know how difficult it is when they cry and when they get all fuzzy and cranky to the point that you don't even know how to calm them down. So now that my kids are older and well pretty much know how to change themselves feed themselves and well be more independent things are a bit easier and I LOVE IT lol. I'm currently in a new relationship with a man that's not my kids' father. We've been together for almost 4 years and well he practically helped me raise them. We've been ttc for 3 years and still nothing. We seeked help from a fertility specialist and well turns out my fiancé has very low count, motility and morphology. We always suspected it was him because well I already have 2 children. All of these years we've been so heartbroken every time we got a BFN , so many emotional breakdowns prior to knowing the reason why we wasn't conceiving, so many ugly cries, always being jealous and upset when another woman became pregnant and now knowing our only way to conceive is by IVF it was a total heartbreak. Now the weird part that I'm getting to is that today I went to visit my cousin who just had a baby 1 week ago and I was very excited to see the baby and hold him. Once I got to her house I asked to carry him and as I was holding I was just admiring him and seeing his cute little toes and hands and out of nowhere I became very anxious and nervous. I felt my heart beating fast and sweaty. I got very nervous and felt so much anxiety. Out of nowhere he became very fuzzy and I became even more nervous I had to hand him to my cousin I couldn't take it. I stayed there for like 2 hours and when I left I felt a big relieve, I don't understand why I was anxious in the first place. For the past 3 years I've been dreaming and wishing to become pregnant with my fiancé and now all of a sudden I feel a different way. I feel as if I don't want to become pregnant anymore. So many thoughts in my head, it's like I'm thinking things very thoroughly. I don't know how this happened or why I'm changing my mind and having second thoughts. Has this ever happened to anybody ?

Thank you if you read until the end 💓