Why do I only attract assholes? Is it me?

Everything starts out great. Almost picture perfect. Then guys go fucking crazy I don't get it. I keep searching to figure out what's wrong with me. What is it about me that attracts these kind of people? Why am I so fucking stupid? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, I try to understand mental illnesses, I try to understand cultural differences. I do whatever my guy want like no questions asked I'm down for it all. Ever since I've been more aware of my sexuality I've found things have become extremely difficult.

I still haven't completely figured out what my sexuality is. Recently I've been really interested in exploring more options. I've been honest with my family about my sexual orientation. But the one person I'm closest to , or thought I was close to I just can't be honest with.

I honestly never thought in my life I'd find myself in an oppressive type situation. Especially when it came to sexual orientation. My whole life I thought I was straight, but always contemplated being bi/bi curious. But haven't really had a realization about it until speaking with my father. (Who let me just add up until a few years ago was a tad bit homophobic due to an attempted sexual assault in HS)

I honestly don't know how to even approach this situation with my current bf. He makes some homophobic comments that even b4 my recent "enlightenment" would always just turn me off. I've been feeling kinda stuck lately. I feel like if I tell him he may flip out and it will trigger a PTSD reaction. I'm honestly a little scared but I've been harboring these feelings for such a long time.

Being on here, and "debating" / learning more about things I've become a lot less "closed minded" about sexual orientation kinda things I really honestly knew nothing about, but always questioned for obvious personal reasons.

It's been really hard for me the past few months, especially being in a committed relationship. I've read stories about husbands coming out to their wives, even commented b4 how upset I would be if something like that happened to me. Which makes me even more fearful about his reaction IF I were to be honest with what I'm going through. I honestly don't know the reaction I'll get, and I'm kinda scared.

I'm ranting/writing on here because I've become really comfortable with this online community, and honestly feel pretty safe discussing these things with y'all. I'm usually not this vulnerable on here but as I said I feel stuck and this has somewhat become a "safe place" for me to just "release my wiggles"

Just writing this has helped a lot. And if anyone has any advice on how I approach a situation like this I would really appreciate it.

Side note: I want to apologize for any kind of oppressive feelings I may have caused anyone with any of my past comments. Up until now I really didn't understand. So for that I truly am sorry.