sorry

i'm sorry to all the hearts i broke. i've spent years trying to fix myself but it seems that i'm at a dead end. i'm afraid of when people get too close, so i have to run. i'm terrified of the thought that someone might want to spend the rest of their life with me, that someone can actually lie in bed thinking of me. when someone says "i love you" it repeats in my mind like a haunted echo, and i'm scared. you called me heartless, a cold heartless bitch. you told me that i'll never be loved. i'm incapable of loving and being loved.. but i want so badly to be loved and to love. i'm lonely and my heart is aching, but i'm too afraid to break my walls down.