It's Complicated

I've been seeing this guy on and off for the past year. We just had a pregnancy scare and today I finally started (10 days late) and we are both heartbroken. We weren't trying to have a baby necessarily, but we were both excited at the prospect and started discussing plans for the future. When I video called him to tell him I started today, his whole face dropped and I felt twice as heartbroken.. we both wanted this deep down even though we were scared at the potential for this life changing event, and I honestly didn't expect to be this devastated. Neither of us have children yet (we are both 23) and both of us want to have them before we get much older as we aspire to be great parents that can keep up with their child(ren) at any age as they grow. I've had pregnancy scares before but none have ever pitched me face first into depression like this. Is this normal? to feel heartbroken over someone that never truly existed? I feel like a crazy person. I just want to lay in bed and never get up, or drink until I can stop fantasizing about what it would have looked like, or who's personality it would take after the most.. I'm miserable. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about it, my best friend was so mad

when she found out I was late and excited and I just feel so overwhelmed with grief I don't even know what to do. with myself.