I'm getting an abortion.

There, I've said it. It hurts, it feels wrong and I feel like a disappointment. I have had two other appointments scheduled. One on the 5th that I didn't show up for, and one PP cancelled on me that was supposed to be yesterday. My new appointment is for Wednesday. I am so confused and scared. My family doesn't want me to have the baby, the baby's father (who i am not dating currently) doesn't want the baby (although all of these people say they will "support" me if I did keep the baby.) And I just feel so alone.

I know financially this it the right decision, as well as physically. The father would not be able to help me as he suffers from something that makes him partially blind so he cannot drive, or do any of the very big important stuff that comes with helping raise it. I also suffer from many mental health issues that scare me when it comes to raising a baby. Ive also been having physical problems that make me worried to keep a healthy baby.

I have always been pro-choice, but I never thought it would be me having to make that choice. In my heart, I already know that this is the right thing. I even stopped taking my prenatal vitamins, because I didn't want the baby to feel "real" anymore. In my head, it only makes it hurt worse.

I keep asking myself - is this the right thing to do? My family is no help because my mom is very against me keeping it and my grandmother is very against me getting the abortion. Ive thought about getting counseling, but the only counselors where I live are those fake evangelical places that try and scare women into keeping it.

I am so nervous I am going to walk in there on Wednesday and change my mind. I just know I can't be a single mother. I know that I can't be with the father. I know my family will be torn. I know I will lose my best friend (who is my ex) and I am just so lost. I haven't been able to get any of this off of my chest, and I found this group tonight and I just wanted to say a few words.

It's so crazy because I actually wanted a baby before I saw the positive on the test. Now that it's real, my whole life has been twisted upside down. I was using this app (glow) as a way to cope during that time. I keep deleting it because I can't keep seeing the little baby growing on the home screen.. But I redownloaded it because this is also the only safe place for me to talk about this stuff.

Any advice or women who just want to talk in the comments would be appreciated. Sorry this story was rambled and long..