I hate that I'm pregnant!!! Yes I knw the baby is a blessing and it's not the baby's fault blah blah blah... I made the choice to get pregnant but I should have known I was gonna be basically alone in all of this even though I am in a fukn BS ass relationship so I'm the one to blame and now I'm bringing an innocent life into my fukd up world... see the father of the baby begged me to have another baby mind you I have 4 already my youngest is 5yrs young and I told him that I wasn't sure that I'd want another baby/ responsibility and that I didn't want to be with a toddler at the age of 30 I want to kind of live a bit and focus one my children since they are all already getting older, my oldest just turned 13yrs young and I have a 12yr and 9yr and I'm 28yes old (just turned them) yes I knw I was really young when I became a mother and I've spent the best of my yes being a mother and I will forever be one but with a new baby I won't really be able to give my full attention like I am now to them as to when the baby is here Idk maybe I'm just being an ungrateful bitch or maybe you all do understand me but I really dnt expect you all to this is just what my thoughts and feelings are and on another note my partner or what ever the fuk he is the father of the baby dnt even help me with any of it he is just high which I'm okay with him smoking because I was a smoker also but quit as soon as I found out I was with child but I would get shit done when I was high all he does is sleep and when the youngest is miss behaving I expect him to step up because I'm over here trying to figure out pre ap algebra and fractions with my 8 yrs old like geez help out somehow right?? Instead he just lightly shouts at her to behave and that's it like 😒 wtf dude gtfoh idk 😐

I just feel like life if defeating me but I can't give in I just want to die but I'm no coward to take the easy way but like my mom says "El diablo nunca duerme" ( the devil never sleeps) 😔