How do you tell relatives to not force affection?

Question

I'm teaching my daughter about having agency over her own body and would like to know what words I should say, how to express it, to let relatives know that they should back off when they keep asking for kisses from my daughter and hugs when she is clearly uncomfortable, or even that they shouldn't be asking that of her at all regardless, because it sends her the message that she needs to hug and kiss people to please them?
Also, what do you do when you overhear someone saying "ssh, don't tell mommy..." about something to your little one, (like maybe giving her food or something?)

Answer

Just be straight up about it. I told my family that if they cant respect my parenting decisions, they will not be trusted alone with my child.

Answer

I am totally on board with your parenting philosophy.
BUT you can't control the world. Your kid is going to get messages that are not approved by you.  
That is absolutely 100% unavoidable, and it will happen more and more often.
You can try and police your friends and family, but you'll come off looking crazy and obnoxious.  And they'll still do it behind your back anyway.  It's a losing battle.
All you can do is be your kids coach.  Talk to her about it when things happen that she might not have liked.  Acknowledge her feelings when she gets accosted by grandparent kisses.  "Whoah, that really looked like it was too much for you all at once!"
Reinforce with her that it's always safe and OK to tell mommy things.  
But don't try to fight a war you can't win.  It's exhausting and futile.
But - props on your wonderful parenting ideas!!

Answer

It's awkward but the only way is to be direct about it. Polite, but firm. It will also set a good example for your daughter when teaching her about agency! It's inappropriate for people to say "don't tell mommy" and to try to force physical affection from a child. I've had a few of those convos with relatives and it's awkward for the adults but daughter is grateful and empowered. Worth it!

Answer

I would just go directly to them. I had these issues when I asked people not to kiss my son for health reasons and I was met with a lot of attitude. People tried to kiss him when I wasn't looking or blatantly kissed him anyways and told me it was their right to! Like excuse me?? I told my family and friends that if they can't respect my parenting choices whether they agree with them or not than they won't be allowed around. The people who matter will respect you and if not than there's the door!

Answer

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How do you tell relatives to not force affection?

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