I feel so stupid and embarrassed. i left an abusive alcoholic last yr, he went to court multiple times for break of bail but I finally got my restraining order (he broke it twice) I went on a domestic survivor course and I was doing so much better, he still hangs around my home multiple times weekly but i found ways to cope. today i go to my beauty app and laugh and joke with the staff (they all know him and what he's done) one of them shouted for me to stay out of view of the window and immediately I know why, I see him looking in, she didn't wanna tell me because she knew how I'd be, he's seen my car and walked past repeatedly for 2 hours waiting for me. so I stay until he's gone but I'm shaking, wanting to vomit, my stomach feels inside out, I'm holding back tears. I run to the car calling my mom and lock the doors, my car is my safe space but today I felt so vunerable, I get home in tears and I feel like I'm back to the night he tried to kill me, why does he have this power over me, why can't I be as strong as I have been, why does the sight of him make me feel so scared I should be stronger than this and now I'm back where I started wondering if he's gonna break in again, if he's gonna hurt me again, I've been having a great life and that feels shattered knowing he's there, and I can't stop it. I've called the cops and they're gonna come see me but I feel so week knowing he still has power over me. *UPDATE* I've spoken to the cops there's nothing they can do because he hasn't broken any laws, emotional damage and fear of my safety don't count for anything. so I'm back terrified to leave the house knowing he can do anything he wants with no consequences, knowing he can be on the other side of my fence and as long as he doesn't cross it he can do whatever he pleases. I'm having to stop going to my beauty apps, I'm so fed up, I just want him to move on, give up, leave me alone, but as long as he's free and happy I'm never gonna be able to live my life.